How to Trust After an Affair
Posted on September 14th, 2009 by Carmelia
Loading ...
If your relationship has been rocked by an affair, there’s no turning back to the way things used to be. However, if you’re fully committed to working on the relationship and rebuilding your bridges, you can regain trust after an affair. Here’s how.
No More Lying
When you’re just recovering from a partner’s affair, here’s the first thing you need to make clear: No more lying. That means no more hidden emails, covert phone calls, saying going to one place but going somewhere else and yes, no more little white lies. You are both starting from ground zero and you need to start from scratch. The little things put together make up the bigger picture, so if you really want to re-establish trust in your relationship, stop lying.
Take Responsibility
Taking responsibility for the affair doesn’t mean pointing fingers, assigning guilt and rationalizing what happened, even if you’re not the guilty party. Taking responsibility means knowing the full weight of what you did without blaming anyone else for it.
Apologize
Apologizing naturally comes after the revelation of an affair, but if you’re trying to rebuild your relationship you still have to make. Apologies shouldn’t come in verbal form, but in your thoughts and actions too. The guilty party has a lot to make up for, and it’s up to you to accept the apology as it is or not. At the same time, the guilt shouldn’t be used as a bargaining chip to get what you want. It’s manipulative, and it won’t get your relationship anywhere.
No Contacting the Third Party
Demand that contact with the third party should cease immediately, and you should make this very clear to the guilty party. No exceptions. For you to focus on rebuilding your relationship and regaining your trust, it simply means no extras hanging around.
Be Committed
If you want your relationship to work and if you want to regain each other’s trust again, you’ve got to be fully committed to it or it won’t work at all. If you’re going to be half-baked about going back to your relationship, then it’s a no-win situation you’re going back to.
Move On
If you do want to regain trust after an affair, you can do that by moving on from that relationship altogether. Keep in mind that not all men and not all women are the same, and the next one won’t necessarily cheat on you. What’s important is that you pace yourself in learning how to trust again before going into another meaningful relationship.
Ask a question
Comments