How to Leave an Abusive Relationship

Posted on September 23rd, 2009 by aileen

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Deciding to leave a relationship is a very hard decision to make, especially if the relationship you’re fleeing from is a bad one. If you’re in this kind of relationship, the best time to go is now. Here are some tips you can follow to leave an abusive relationship.

Decide to leave and don’t change your mind. Don’t regret the life you’ve built with your partner. If your relationship isn’t healthy anymore, leave. There’s really no point in staying if it’ll just cause you pain.
Make a plan. Leaving without a plan will just make you go back to your partner. Carefully think about all the things that you need to do and have when you leave. Find a place to stay. Save up some cash. List down support groups that you can call when you need help.
Subtly gather your things and transfer them to a safe place. Avoid taking things that can easily be noticed like a picture of your family hanging on the wall. Don’t give out any idea that you’re planning to leave. Here are some thing you should have when leaving.
- Important Documents and Id’s
  - Birth Certificates
  - Social Security Card
  - Driver’s license
- Evidence of Abuse
  - Pictures
  - Journals
  - Affidavit
- Financial Documents
  - Investment records
  - Bank statements
  - Credit cards
  - Loans and mortgages
Consider your safety. It’s very important that you go to a place where your abuser can’t harm you. Going to your parents’ house is a very good idea. This way, you’ll have your whole family protecting you. You can also try going to a shelter. When you do, make sure that your partner won’t know where you are. Be careful of telling people where you are. They might unintentionally mention this vital detail to your partner. It’s also a good idea to know self defense so you’ll be able to defend yourself in case you get attacked when you’re out doing your errands.
Don’t be fooled. An abusive relationship has a cycle. Part of this cycle is the honeymoon stage. This is where your abuser becomes sorry for all his mistakes and tries to win you back. Never believe what he says. Keep in mind that he can’t suddenly turn into the most loving partner just because you’re leaving him.
Anticipate adjustments. Leaving your relationship will bring various changes in your life. Don’t let these things change your mind about leaving. Remember that when you’re finally settled in your new life, everything will get better. Hang on and don’t give up.
Ask for help. If you need assistance on legal matters, consult a good lawyer. Don’t hesitate to ask help from your friends and family. Letting them know your situation would give you the support and love you need.
Don’t blame yourself. Nobody wants to have a bad relationship. It’s not your fault that you’re into one; you’re not to blame for the actions of your partner. It’s about time that you focus on yourself.

A relationship should make you and your partner better individuals. If it isn’t working anymore, take some time out to think about things. Know when to leave, especially if you’re in an abusive relationship.