How to Deal with Your In-Laws

Marriage is usually viewed from the outside as a coming together of two people, but more often than not, it’s a coming together of two families as well. Some in-laws can be warm and welcoming, some in-laws can be a little bit more difficult to get along with. Here are some tips for you deal and hopefully, get along with, your in-laws.

Don’t Force a Relationship

The biggest mistake you could do is forcing a relationship with  your in-law. Not will only it give your in-law the upper hand (wanting a friendship or approval with him or her), it might just prove to be futile. Having a cordial interaction will do. Call your in-laws by the first name (unless it’s culturally unacceptable, you can ask your spouse what to call your in-laws), and be as respectful and patient as you can. After all, you don’t have to deal with them 24/7.

Be Honest With Your Spouse

Keeping your real feelings about your in-laws from your spouse can make an unpleasant relationship with them worse. You don’t have to lambast them or criticize in private, but you can air your feelings if you need to. For example, “I don’t like the way your mother criticizes the way I dress every time we see her.” No need to be insulting towards his parents. Your spouse can help you steer clear from uncomfortable situations, or even help you understand your in-laws better.

Know Your Boundaries

Boundaries can mean both physical and psychological boundaries. You can establish physical boundaries by not having to attend all family gatherings with them, if you can. Do not do this too often, as it can cause a wedge between you and your spouse’s family. Just tell your spouse that you would rather not attend family events if you can. If you are living with your in-laws or living too near them, seriously discuss moving, even if it’s just a few blocks away.

Psychological boundaries is done by avoiding confrontations or setting off triggers that can end up in uncomfortable situations between you and your in-laws.

Kill Them With Kindness

You cannot hope to change other people’s attitudes towards you, but you sure can change your own attitude towards them. Visit them when they are sick. Volunteer to help around the house if they have to be away. Fix things for them if you could. They might reject you, but eventually something will come up that they can’t refuse your help with. They might find fault in you, but you can tell your spouse it’s not because you didn’t try. Just show them that you are in this marriage for the long run and that you don’t expect to be buddies, but you can at least act the way relatives should.