How to Break Up with Someone

As that Neil Sedaka song goes, breaking up is hard to do. However, when a relationship has run its course, breaking up can be the only sensible thing to do in the long run. Here are the things you should remember when breaking up with someone.

Think it Over

Make your mind about breaking up with that person you’re in a relationship with. Being in an on-off relationship is fine in the short run, but increasingly difficult in the long run. You have to be firm and serious about breaking up the relationship. Remember, once you say that you want to break up, you’ve got to stick to it.

Be Calm

Be calm when breaking up. Show that your are firm and have made up your mind on this matter. Speak slowly, think your words out. Most importantly, your words and delivery should be both honest and real.

If the other person starts screaming or reacting wildly, just keep your cool. Getting dumped is not easy on anyone. However, if it starts getting out of hand, just get out of there.

Pick a Place

Pick a semi-public place to break up, such as a restaurant. Being in a semi-public place will give both of you an incentive not to freak out or have a public argument. At the same time, you’re also in a place that will provide you some privacy to talk.

And please, if you are breaking up with someone in a restaurant, the least you can do is pay for the meal. No questions asked.

Have a Time Limit

While it may seem tempting to just sit there, answer questions and have a discussion about what went wrong in the relationship, now is just not the time. Keep the breakup short and sweet. Have a prepared speech, if you like. Invent an appointment after the time frame you’ve given on breaking up. It may sound a little cruel, but it’s a lot more painful having an hour-long breakup. Just think of it this way: The sooner, the better, the cleaner the cut.

Break Up in Person

Breaking up through the phone, email, text or instant messaging is just plain tacky! Just disappearing without saying anything is worse. Doing these things is unfair to the person who you’ve had a relationship with. You don’t want this done to you, so don’t do it yourself. Have the courage to break up in person, because you owe the person you had a relationship with some respect. They deserve the closure and have their questions answered.

Have a Plan

Having a plan is especially important for partners who are in a more serious and involved relationship, such as married or live-in couples. Draw up plans on how living arrangement, how to move out, expenses, pets, etc.

Plan what to say when breaking up. There’s no shame in writing it out and reading it later on.

Don’t Say

It’s easy to resort to clichés when you’re feeling cornered, but the person you’re breaking up with will not appreciate that. Try to avoid these lines. They only make things worse, not better:

• “It’s not you, it’s me.”
• “Can we be friends?”
• “Can we still have sex?”

Expected Reactions

A person getting rejected may have any or combined reactions. Here’s how to deal with these reactions:

• Asking questions. Answer with honesty and sensitivity, but keep your questions as short as possible, or the questioning will never end.
• Crying. You can provide comfort, but don’t let yourself be manipulated into taking back your breakup.
• Arguing or lashing out. Try not to retaliate, and don’t split hairs anymore. It’s over, and there’s no point discussing it further.
• Begging. Tell them to stop begging and repeat that you’ve made up your mind.

Detach

Do not see or contact the person you broke up with in any way. It will be easier for both of you if there is minimal to no contact at all. You will have a better perspective on the breakup and both of you will have an opportunity to move on from the breakup and the relationship that was.